Dear Edna,

Why did they decrease the size of the chicken sandwich?

–this isn’t McDonalds

Dear McDonalds,

This is all a secret campaign. The school cafeteria is slowly turning into McDonalds. Before we know it we will all be trained to be prepared to work at McDonalds. Only the ones who bring lunch will escape.

Dear Edna,

Why is sweet tea $1.25 while a coke is only $1?

–Confused

Dear Confused,

Just a reminder that we live in the South. In the South, people drink sweet tea like they breathe air.

Dear Edna,

Why does the school only sell soda “zero”? And why are the machines closed? They don’t work during lunch!

–Coke Zero is gross

Dear Coke Zero,

It is all very confusing, I agree. The “zero” in Coke Zero means it contains no calories. McIntosh is not worried about students being hyped up on caffeine, but they are concerned instead on the “calorie intake” of the students. I believe that cola consumption should be completely up to the students.

On the topic of the machines being closed during lunch, the school is afraid that we will buy Coke products rather than “Powerade,” “Water”, or– lets not forget–the sweet tea!