My family sets up our Christmas decorations in increments. We just haven’t been in the mood. My mother and I both know the absence we will feel while we set up the tree. My grandmother, who raised us both (at separate times of her life, of course) passed in May and the thought of a Christmas without her smile, without her glee feels . . . painful, but we have been making an effort.

For students who are also missing a loved one this holiday season — whether they are on duty with the U.S. Military or passed away earlier this year — know that pain is an acceptable part of the holidays. It’s okay to miss someone you love when you cannot be near them.

However, programs like Surviving the Holidays teach the truth to those going through this pain: life moves on. Often run by a trained professional, this program can be found in multiple churches and secular therapeutic places also. It teaches families to deal with grief productively while still acknowledging the hurt they feel.

The program emphasizes different outlets for families to deal with the holidays. Some, like mine, work on setting up Christmas decorations for different sections of the house to make the process more bearable. Some sit and remember past holidays spent with that love one. Some sing their loved one’s favorite Christmas song at the top of their lungs. It’s  important to not let the pain drown out the gleeful atmosphere of the season. Whoever you and your family is missing would likely want everyone to be enjoying themselves, not dwelling on an absence they cannot change.

So please, instead neglecting the holidays in the name of grief or missing someone, embrace the holidays as an honor to those who are not able to participate. Enjoy and share the memories they left on earth instead of grieving or paining over them. And if necessary, find a local chapter of Surviving the Holidays to join and learn technique to deal with this difficult time.